Take several moments to center yourself, feeling your feet and taking a breath before responding. There may be several answers that resonate with you. Choose the response that best describes you in this cycle and season of life.
Write down your answers (A, B, C, D, or E) for each of the questions below or use the printable version to track your answers.
1. You have a spontaneous free afternoon with no obligations. Do you most likely tend to find satisfaction in…
a. connecting with your loved ones out in nature, over tea or a nourishing meal
b. finishing projects that you’ve been yearning to get to, whether that’s around the house, in your garden or in your collaborations
c. lingering and dreaming into your creative and visionary projects with your journal or laptop
d. slowing down and tending to your energy with some gentle yoga, dance or movement
e. relaxing at home with a nourishing bath, nap or meditation.
2. You know you’re a cyclical being, and there’s a part of you that longs to live like your ancient ancestors did – in alignment with the seasons of your body and the natural world. How do you respond to this part of you?
a. You love it but feel some fear – honoring your cyclical nature means running the risk of being ostracized, rejected or ridiculed by family, friends, work and/or community.
b. It sounds nice but you feel anxious – slowing down to connect with the natural world and the cyclical nature of your body feels challenging, especially when you have deadlines to meet and projects to finish.
c. You’re curious but ultimately you ignore this part of you – you’re used to avoiding the needs and cyclical nature of your body, especially when there’s so much else going on
d. You want to do but you feel stuck – you feel pretty disconnected from your body and wouldn’t know which direction to go
e. You feel the pull – but it doesn’t seem worth holding onto or moving towards this kind of change
3. It’s Friday evening and you’re exhausted from the week. You’re in need of rest and you have the night to yourself. Do you tend to …
a. feel guilty for taking time for yourself, so you find a way to stay busy with the needs of others – doing the family laundry, responding to client emails, texting support to that friend you’ve already messaged 10 times earlier that day
b. feel anxious with a persistent feeling that you “should” be doing something and decide to get caught up in on-going tasks and to-do’s
c. appreciate the time alone but feel restless and find yourself avoiding rest, relaxation or the things you know would help you feel better
d. feel numb and then get stuck in routine chores and tasks around the house until it’s time to crash into bed
e. feel unmotivated and collapse on the couch while scrolling social media and bingeing whatever Netflix show is on
When you finally have some time and privacy for sex and pleasure with your partner or person you’d like to have intimacy with, is it easier to…
a. Go along with whatever they want – you know how to perform “sexiness” but it’s challenging to allow time for your body to get truly turned on and relaxed
b. Rush to get your sexual high through quick penetration or climax, often pushing or bearing down to climax or orgasm instead of finding true connection and pleasure
c. Ignore intimacy altogether or just move quickly, avoiding any real expression of your needs or desires and missing out on true connection and pleasure
d. Go on auto-pilot – following a predictable pattern and script that should be pleasurable, but ends up feeling empty, numb and bit braced to just “get it over with”
e. Just collapse. You’d rather just take a nap and hit “snooze” on the couch than consider intimacy.
5. You feel curious about adding more movement and health to your life. Maybe lifting weights, starting a lymphatic massage routine, signing up for a gym or pilates membership, or getting together with a friend to walk. Do you tend to…
a. Feel pressure to do something because everyone else you know is doing it and you feel like you “should” – after all, you’re “not getting any younger”
b. Feel excited. Yes! Something else to do, to better yourself and focus your energy towards, but underneath is a thread of anxiety.
c. Procrastinate. You already have so much on your plate but it feels exciting to be doing something to keep moving.
d. Feel unsure. You’re not sure what is best for you, so you end up not doing anything at all.
e. Ignore it all. It’s just easier to keep doing what you’ve been doing for now.
6. You’ve been more stressed than usual and wake up to an “urgent” text to check your email, even though it’s a Sunday morning that you dedicated as time for yourself without work calls or emails. What do you tend to do?
a. You really want to have some “me” time but it’s so hard to ignore when someone needs something from you and they’re waiting for your response. You push back your workout and meditation time to respond and check your email.
b. You’ve already been up and checked your email several times because it’s hard to turn off “the doer” in you. You know you’re great at multi-tasking but the anxiety is starting to wear you out.
c. You immediately feel anxious but avoid responding. You’re not able to be fully present for the rest of the morning because you keep thinking about how you’re going to respond.
d. You go on auto-pilot and end up responding out of routine and habit. Everyday is the same afterall, it doesn’t matter that it’s Sunday.
e. You hit snooze and crawl back under the covers. You’d rather hide and just ignore your texts and emails, no matter what day it is.
7. You long for deeper intimacy and connection with other women and femmes. Knowing that creating community and connection is already difficult in dominant culture, do you tend to…
a. Fall into people pleasing when meeting new women and potential friends. You don’t want to rock the boat and compromise initial bonding and belonging because you really do value relationships and connection.
b. Feel quietly anxious or competitive with other women or femmes. Even though you long for connection, there’s a part of you needing to prove yourself so you’re not rejected from the group.
c. Keep your needs and desires to yourself, avoiding deep conversations. It’s easier to stay a bit guarded and keep others at a distance, even though you really long for connection.
d. Feel like your gas and brakes are on at the same time – you both long for intimacy with others, but there’s another part of you slamming on the brakes for fear of getting too close.
e. Feel defeated. It’s easier to not want or long for this kind of connection or belonging.
8. When you consider your relationship to Eros, your creative life force energy, do you…
a. Feel it wanting to awaken and express through your body – but there’s a part of you that fears being judged or ridiculed if you let your erotic expression truly emerge.
b. Feel it moving powerfully through your body – but it often feels like anxiety, having you rush or push for a erotic high without being able to truly relax.
c. Want to feel Eros in your body – but often just push it away and gets eaten up by staying busy with chores, emails and social media scrolling.
d. Feel disconnected from this energy. There’s a part of you that knows its there, but its deep beneath the surface of your experience.
e. Feel like the pilot light of your Eros has been blown out.
9. Some friends offer to drop a meal by and help with chores around the house while you recover from an injury or surgery. Do you tend to…
a. Feel grateful for the connection and support – but there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to ask for what you truly want or need that may rock the boat with your friends. You tend to go along with whatever they want to provide for you.
b. Appreciate the help. After all, you’ve been so busy and it’s nice to have support – but it feels anxiety-provoking and embarrassing to be bed-ridden and receive help while being so vulnerable.
c. Appreciate the support. You’ve been avoiding asking for help and this injury has made you realize how much you’ve been doing on your own – but it feels painfully hard to ask for what you want and need when your friends come over, so you try to avoid it altogether and may even push away the help.
d. Grateful for the help. It’s easy for you to rest – but it feels really uncomfortable to let others support you. After all, you’re used to doing it all on your own.
e. Feel appreciative that others have thought of you – but immediately want to disappear. It feels painful and vulnerable to have people help you, especially when you’re not feeling your best.
10. You drop into a free workshop on Zoom during the day. Do you tend to…
a. Censor how you look on camera by making sure you look calm and “put together.” You want to make sure you fit in and don’t stand out in the group.
b. Feel critical of how you look and then feel some internal pressure to “prove” yourself to others on the call. You feel a bit impatient and wish you could get on to your next “to-do”
c. Feel distracted and avoid really paying attention with all the other tabs open on your computer. Besides, sitting down to listen feels hard when you’ve got so much else going on.
d. You don’t end up signing on for the class after all. You tell yourself you’ll watch the recording but you get stuck in your day-to-day routines.
e. You ignore the class altogether. The email to sign in for the class just falls into the black hole of your email inbox.
11. You start to feel rage boil up and out through your body. Do you tend to…
a. Shut it down. You don’t dare express such intensity for fear that others will reject you or call you crazy. You swallow it done and put on a calm, put-together face.
b. Let it rip – in the group chat, on the Zoom meeting, in the social media comments. But in the aftermath, you’ve burned some important relationship bridges that leave you feeling some anxiety and shame.
c. Ignore and avoid it altogether. You feel it deeply, but it feels overwhelming to actually pay attention to. You keep busy so you don’t boil over at your loved ones.
d. Feel it and then quickly hide it away. You feel rage and emotions intensely, so you’ve become masterful at staying calm on the outside and pushing down how you feel. Numbness feels safer and more familiar anyway.
e. Not even notice it. You feel shut down to any emotional or erotic charge in your system. In a lot of ways, this feels safer and more comfortable to you.